The Discovery of Truth Begins from Confusion and Doubt

If given a choice between confusion and clarity, hard to imagine that there’d be one among us who would choose confusion over clarity.  Yet, the discovery of truth begins from the uncertainty of not knowing.  Counterintuitive.  Or so you would think. Yet a cardinal principle of the Yaqui Indian shaman, Don Juan, the main protagonist of the books by the cultural anthropologist, Carlos Castaneda. Here’s Don Juan on clarity: Once a

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Dealing with loneliness as a therapist

Dealing with Loneliness as a Therapist

How do therapists personally deal with loneliness? With a heavy heart, I acknowledge it’s a question I’m uniquely and sadly qualified to answer.  First, my credentials: I’ve been a psychologist for forty-seven years. I met my wife, Deborah, in 1974 when we were both students in graduate school. A year later, we moved in together. Along the way, we married, had kids—three girls and a

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An image to demonstrate the concept of how to be positive

How To Be Positive when Circumstances Aren’t: Ten Truths

I’m seventy-four. Until seventy-two, I ran, climbed, and competed. At seventy-one—because I could—I did twenty-five, one-handed pushups at the Everest Base Camp. My body and I were best friends.  Until it quit while trekking in Scotland. It started with a sudden loss of balance, morphed into left-sided weakness, and ended with partial paralysis. The cause: five fused disks in my neck that like a seismic crack were waiting silently for their moment.  Two years later, after

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What Is a Soulmate—and How to Know if You’ve Found Yours

This article was originally published at The idea of meeting your soulmate is the glorious stuff of rom-coms—and apparently real-life, everyday people, too. “It’s the realization that this person who shares your life is a part of yourself,” says family and marital psychologist Dr. Michael Tobin. “A soulmate is an individual that has a lasting impact on your life.” MEET THE EXPERT Dr. Michael Tobin

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5 Things You Need To Heal After a Dramatic Loss Or Life Change

This article was originally published at Authority Magazine. Anger is never a sustainable path to success. Yet, it may be the right fuel you need for that initial thrust to blast you through the gravity of negative resistance. My anger and aggression — my battle to prove my father wrong — brought me to a place where I could finally say, “I’m okay. I’m not

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How Do We Know What Love Is?

Perhaps the three most difficult English words to string together and mean are: “I love you.” But what’s this thing called love that’s so terrifying to reveal.  What Love Isn’t To understand authentic love, the first thing we need to do is to describe what it’s not: Love is not a thing we fall in or out of. How could it be? Fall means to stumble, trip, lose your balance, and tumble

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It’s Never Too Late

I’m pushing 72; I’ve spent over 40 years as a clinical psychologist, traveling the rocky, existential highways of dilemma, doubt, and despair, interspersed with profound moments of transformation, depth, and forgiveness. I was built for this, or more precisely, I was prepared for this – at 12, I was hypnotically directing my parents toward a blissful marriage, and, at 16, I was an up-and-coming teenage

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The Ageless Style of Being Yourself

Dorrie Jacobson is my kind of Premium, an 83-year-old, sexy grandma, model, and Instagram style guru with a take-no-prisoners attitude. Dressed in tight orange pants with matching blouse, stilettos, and nails, and carrying a fiery yellow bag, our Octogenarian style Queen just doesn’t give a s**t. “This business of being age appropriate is ridiculous. Get out there and break the rules.” Yeah, Dorrie! Dorrie, you’re my girl, my

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Creating a Positive Senior Mindset Part 2

Creating a Premium Mindset Part II Around 5:30 this morning, I was awakened by volcanic disturbances erupting from the region of my lower intestines. “Of course, this must be cancer,” I thought, quickly ruling out the more logical possibility that those annoying rumblings might have more to do with a half pound of sharp cheddar colliding with a somewhat lactose-intolerant, digestive system. But then again, how could it

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Creating a Positive Senior Mindset Part 1

Who hasn’t heard the expression, “Age is a state of mind?” Part I Come on, is it really? Can I just pick any number younger than I am and say to myself, “I’m not 72, I’m 52,” and bingo, I start producing all sorts of happy and youthful hormones like endorphins, oxytocin, dopamine, and serotonin. Wow, wouldn’t that be great? I’d be able to run a mile

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Articles by Dr. Michael Tobin
Dr. Michael Tobin has been a psychologist for forty-seven years specializing in couple and family therapy. He co-founded a theater company that performed vignettes on family and marital issues, which he co-wrote. These plays were performed over 100 times. He is the co-founder of, an award winning website that focuses on how to solve typical marital and family challenges.