March 22, 2001

My Husband Had an Affair

Q Dear WholeFamily, My husband had an affair in 8/98 with someone I knew. He got her pregnant and I knew nothing about it for almost 2 years. The baby is 10 months old. I lost my mind. I ended up in the hospital for a week. Right now I am lost. A Dear Lost, It’s bad enough that your husband cheated on you, but

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What is Real Love?

Love — What is it? First, let me tell you what it isn’t. It’s not a something we fall in or out of. It’s not a dreamy, blissful state where all fears, doubts, and worries melt away as we merge into one flesh. And it’s not those glorious first moments of your first love when you were swept away in a wave of ecstasy. I know

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Sexual Mythology

“You and your husband are alone in a cabin for the first time since your marriage. He is nibbling on your ear. Do you (a) nibble back, (b) tell him the toilet is running, (c) ask him to kill the mosquito that’s buzzing in your ear, (d) think about how disgusting it is to have his saliva stagnate inside of your ear or (e) tell

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The Ten Truths of Marriage

Ten hard truths about how to avoid marital pitfalls and how to create a successful marriage: 1. You can’t make anyone love you and nobody can make you happy. 2. Try all you want; you’ll never change your partner. However, if you change yourself, your partner may change. 3. People don’t marry people; they marry illusions and fantasies. (What a surprise to discover that your

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Is My Wife Playing Me for a Fool?

Q Dear Dr. Tobin, My wife and I have been separated for one year now. Some people around me say she is playing me for a fool, but she sometimes shows up for counseling and when she does everything is okay for a couple of days but then she does not want to return my calls or want to talk to me and says she

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Should I have an affair?

Q Dear Dr. Tobin, I agree that having an affair is a sign of problems in a marriage, but what if you’ve told your partner that you’re tempted to have an affair and your partner acts as if that is ridiculous and seems to push you to spend time with the person that you are considering having the affair with…all the time saying that marriage

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My Husband Doesn’t Do His Share

Q Dear Dr. Tobin, My husband and I married during his medical residency. With the understanding that he had greater time constraints than I, I took over most of the household duties, including finances, and when our son was born all the child care. He has now completed all of his training and I see little indication that he wants to take on a fairer

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Articles by Dr. Michael Tobin
Dr. Michael Tobin has been a psychologist for forty-seven years specializing in couple and family therapy. He co-founded a theater company that performed vignettes on family and marital issues, which he co-wrote. These plays were performed over 100 times. He is the co-founder of, an award winning website that focuses on how to solve typical marital and family challenges.